Top TWENTY Things for Atheists to Do at Church

Bonus #21: Try to guess which altar boy the priest likes best.

20. Replace the money on the collection plate with Monopoly®
    bucks.

19. Nonchalantly invite the preacher back to your pad for some lines
    of coke.

18. In confession, recount your sexual escapades and high times at the
    local convent.

17. Sing your hymn "An Ode to Darwin" in front of the congregation.

16. Keep holding hands with the people next to you even after everyone
    else has let go, and then start drooling.

15. Challenge the male sunday school teacher to try and make his point
    without having to touch one of the boys

14. Sing hymns obnoxiously loud and in your best choral voice, knowing
    that everyone is irritated but not about to give you dirty looks -
    since you're probably "moved by the spirit".

13. Play "INNAGADDADAVIDA" on the church organ.

12. Dress in Pagan garb and ask the priest where he wants the chicken
    entrails.

11. Estimate the savings if this show paid taxes like the rest of us.

10. Ask ever so politely...and sincerely, of course... for prayers
    that your second dick will quit growing out your ass.

9.  Wander around and when asked "May I help you," say "No thank you,
    my old god is on its last legs, and I'm just browsing for a new one."

8.  Break up a wedding. Point out that, according to the Bible,
    they're cousins, as all humans are descended from Adam and Eve and
    that humanity has been living in sin for all this time.

7.  Go to Sunday school and point out the fact that it's full of smut.

6.  Belch after taking communion and ask if it still counts.

5.  Ask the pastor an intelligent question.

4.  Slowly move your head back and forth during the sermon to see if
    you can get the flame of the candle on the altar behind the priest
    to be positioned directly on the top of his head.

3.  Stand up during mass and proclaim "There can be only one!" Then
    blow your head off with a shotgun.

2.  Choke on communion, spit back at priest yelling "The bastard tried
    to poison me!"

1.  Masturbate.