Top TWENTY Things the Pope Did For Fun On the Papal Tour '95

20. Held candle-light vigil in honor of Jerry Garcia and got toked as
    hell. 

19. While travelling through Forsythe County Georgia was surprised at
    the overwhelming  turnout of people dressed just like him bearing
    crosses, quoted as saying "I'm touched at the faith of this
    community, do you smell gas?".

18. Played with all the attractive American altar boys.

17. Got off to a bad start by referring to NYC as "HeimeyTown"

16. Slipped Hillary the tongue.

15. Directed security guards to beat well-wishers at the airport.

14. Joined Mayor Marion Barry in a D.C. hotel room for some lines
    of coke.

13. Burned the "White Album" in front of a capacity crowd while
    muttering "I'll show you who's more popular!"

12. Filmed "The Pope does Pasadena", co-starring Jenna Jameson,  Juli
    Ashton,  Tom Byron, and Ron Jeremy.

11. Enjoyed a week of unwinding in Vegas with the Vienna Boys Choir.

10. Attended nude hyperbarric chamber party with Michael Jackson,
    Madonna, and the Devil's Spawn, MacCaulay Culkin.

 9  Took some hookers behind the church for some "liquid communion"

 8. Replaced the holy water with acid for those "special" blessings

 7. Slapped the 'ol "one-eyed messiah" during a late showing of
    "Showgirls"

 6. Hosted Stand-Up Spotlight.  After all, every thing he says is
    hilarious.

 5. Got real excited when a confused Catholic kissed his thing.

 4. Took the Pope-mobile out on a cross-country joy ride.

 3. Turned the East River in to wine.  No, really!  Go try it!

 2. Repeatedly grabbed his side and yelled "I'm shot!".

 1. Spent a night in jail after run-in with local law enforcement over
    masturbation scene during his finale!